I need a break! Better said I need a vacation! I am exhausted. Physically and mentally drained. I can’t do it anymore. Within the past ten days I lost four people that I loved a lot. I knew that they would die one day. No one can avoid death. I just did not expect them to leave so soon, without any warning. And certainly I never ever thought that they will all die within the same year, not to say same month. All of them passed away only a few days apart one from another, as if they had a pact to leave this place in the same time. Jeez! Life sucks big time!
I had to organize two funerals, attend other two others, while I was home alone with the kids. The worst time ever! Trouble always comes in two, right? Everything feels so surreal. I don’t even know how I feel. I activated the automated pilot and dealt with all the formalities I had to do in order to make all the funeral arrangements. I had no time to grief, cry or think of how all these events affected me. I am all over the place.
The pain won’t go away for months, I am sure. I am just hoping that once it will sink in and I will rest a bit, I will have the time to deal with all this emotional turmoil. Each time I felt my eyes teary and the kids were around, I avoided to let them see me being a mess. They are too young to understand this sort of things. I don’t want to introduce new fears or give them any unnecessary worries.
This morning while I was having my coffee, I opened my mail. I was surprised to see a bill from a GTA truck rental agency in Toronto, on my husband’s name. He has not been in Toronto for years. After a short investigation, I discovered that his credit card had been used by someone else who also purchased some things online. The amount was not too high, they took out only around two hundred dollars from his credit card. Anyway, I had to call his bank and let them know that his card had to be cancelled. Otherwise who knows what else they will be using it for again?
While I was on the phone with the bank, I looked at some vacations down South. I think I will be taking the kids to the beach for a week, to relax a bit and forget about all this black cloud that came over us without any warning.